It has not been an easy 2010 so far...
Month after month, there had been exciting, dramatic, and overwhelming incidents happening...to an extent, i wasn't smiling for a period of time.
i miss my smiles...
i was browsing thru folders of pix...hopefully to find one pix with a really really bright smile, but it either wasn't captured over the past few yrs or there really wasn't one...haha...it made me feel sad all of a sudden. i miss e times when i can laugh heartily and wholly be myself.
at the stage of adulthood, we have more responsibilities and a wider scope of things to handle. i can manage that, that's just all part of life. :) it's a time when u feel like u r capable of doing a lot of things. it's a stage when u really possess more qualities and abilities to finally do things that u've always dreamed abt as things slowly fall in place over time.
it's always good to know what u wan and how to get it. i had a goal since i was 12. now, into my adulthood, i'm happy to know that i've achieved what i had set out to do.
however, along e way, do u get blinded and perhaps, pay less attn or forget wat is e most impt thing to u in life?
i was engaged in a very exciting and inspirational conversation wif a fren sometime ago...we chatted for 5 hrs about a lot of stuff...childhood...attitude towards life...goals...and it made me realise, perhaps along e way, i diverted from a healthy track and became blinded to a lot of things...in e end, who suffers? i'm e one who had to bear wif e negative consequences and subsequently, it became a vicious cycle...i'm just like a hamster running in e wheel while it spins and spins...(and pls pardon me for being unable to update my blogs, etc and frens, pls pardon me for unable to update my social life...i simply had none to speak of during tt period...ha...)
never do i wan to lose myself.
one day, i came across this inspirational quote - "You are what you let yourself be. You always have a choice."
And i realised all i wanted is to be myself.
it's awful when u lose control of how u wanna lead ur life. ppl pop out, telling me of e things tt i shd do and wat i shdn't. but y?
isn't this my life?
just when i had kinda gotten things clear and wanna get myself back on track soon, i went on a trip to Japan hoping to rejuvenate.
and yup, i fell down. i was stepping from e pavement to e road where my tour bus was; there were 2 mini concrete steps right on e side of e road, off e pavement, which i obviously wasn't aware of. (it's very difficult to describe) i stepped on it (din step well obviously), twisted my left ankle, lost my balance and fell on my butt. i was holding my shopping bags and there was nth in sight for me to grab. as i was falling down, i could c e weird angle which my ankle was twisted...and b4 i noe it, my butt was in pain.
e tourist behind me kindly tried to help me up, but i told him not to touch me at tat instant. it was just so painful. when he finally could help me up, my butt was in pain every time i took a step up e tour bus.
e tour bus headed off to shinjuku and e other tourists got off to shop while i stayed in e bus. for 2 whole hrs, i was alone in e bus (other than e jap driver in front) and i couldn't move in my seat. i couldn't even nudge to shift my position. i juz rem after 1/2 hr, my left foot swelled. and i tot that's it. that's like e end of e trip for me.
so from that evening onwards, i was in a wheelchair for e next 2 days...in e hotel, in disneyland, in e airport...
as soon as i got back to singapore, my brothers sent me to e hospital to do an X-ray. and so there was how it went. 2 weeks of mc.
i was speechless. when ppl asked me y it happened, i would be dumbfounded. i was never a careless person. just when i tot i could be rejuvenated and could finally do things tt i wanted to do after e trip, it just happened. 2 wks of mc. no reason. no explanation. it juz happened.
maybe it's heaven's way of getting a well-deserved break for me. to get true rest wif nth on my mind. maybe it's a good way of forcing myself to take things slow. haha.
some things happened without a reason. or tat's wat u tot at tat instant. but e thing is, things do happen for a reason. it's up to u whether u wan it to be a lesson learnt and get something out of it.
so now, i'll try to get back on track wif an injured butt and ankle/foot for a while... ;)